me and my partner both have lived together for more than thirty-five years of long time, we have little by little accumulated small grievances and unpleasant words and actions toward each other, and it seems natural for us to reach a point where we can no longer tolerate them. the level has evolved a bit, or rather, the level of difficulty has increased, and we are both in a state of stiffness, listening to the partner's situation, and thinking that we are trying to find the next best solution, but in reality, i've stopped thinking. i'm totally at a loss. the biggest mystery to me is why she has no ability at all to understand that the words i say that are not so pleasant to her are always caused by her own words or her own behavior. when some sort of trouble occurs, she is the one who starts getting angry and shuts down the communication between us, and while i keep apologizing, she keeps mumbling her unchanging grievances about the past and present, and i keep listening, suppressing my desire to argue. if i even tries to object, her dissatisfaction will only intensify. she never admits her own fault nor apologizes herself. i'm sick and tired of living like this. this is my life.
