i wonder why i still have a life. i wonder why i was chosen to be alive. if i had crashed into the guardrail, which was just a few feet ahead, i would have died of multiple organ failure due to significant visceral injury yesterday, the anniversary of my master John's death.
i wonder what i still have a life for. i know i have so many things left to do, some are duty-bound, some are obliged, some are by mere force of habit, and others are just for fun. i don't think everything should be achieved. some are what i really, really don't wanna do. i still alive, that means time flows, and some dead lines are coming near day by day, as the seconds tick away.
i wonder if i'm really happy to be alive. is this my life full of trouble and hardship with a little bit of joy? or am i just underestimating my joy of life?
master John must have passed away with a lot of things left undone. still he left us great amount of masterpieces, influences and memories, which are still alive for world love and peace. as for me, i've had done almost nothing. am i really worth living, or am i worth being dead?
